memories and tears

i went to granby house Saturday. check it out after the clean out. it is closing next tuesday. I was in it for about 5 minutes and the tears began to flow. the memories of things, of dad mainly. even with nothing in the house, the memories were overpowering. I left quickly. I think I may have left in the house, the old scrapbooks. oh well. they are gone. I do have boxes of photos, which I will eventually make sorted. but the school pictures, the report cards, the momentos, gone. 

i have been limping along, have to get dad’s title19 redetermination done. that will occupy my time the next few days. I won’t ride my bike until I have arranged the papers, and see what I have to get from bank. reward myself afterwards with normal living again. normal. yeah right.

lauren has been drinking a bit again. that is heartbreaking for my granddaughters sake, but there is really nothing I can do about it. I could confront her, but then I would never see Violet until lauren got straight. saying something might push her over again. I hate this walking on eggshells with her. it is what it is. life. 



i went to bed early last night, had a long day with lots of walking at six flags then a decent bike ride. woke at 5 and the dawn was starting. newness. fresh start on a new day.
 yesh getting all philosophical on ya.
 my rides have been hampered by my elbow pain. a tweak to my bar position may solve it. as soon as i can this week i will make an order and see. more upright so less stress on it. having a different hand position might work too. try one thing at a time.
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summer blah


He did not get oil as promised when he shorted me on the month’s “rent” Says he won’t be able to get it until August’s check. Which means he will short me again. Bastard. Damned if i have him here, damned if I don’t . bastard. 

I am riding regular, and loving it. I am in my element when I am riding. Next is to get a kayak. but maybe after I sink some money into fixing house. Might be a better thing to do. sigh Dog is over fence and I have to go retrieve her. you would think she would learn, but no…

Another meh TDF

Boring. No one really attacked. Other than Froome. He won it. Teams will need to bring on better riders to take on team sky. And the budget will need to increase. Sigh.
 Going to be too hot for me to ride today. I will do some maintenance. Do some photos and make my ebay listing to get rid of the bags i have accumulated. My first foray into ebay selling. I may even do craigslist to sell the raleigh. Set it all up as almost stock. See if I can get a couple hundred bucks for it. And maybe sell the gianni. Save the money to get myself a carbon road bike.
 And today, i need to clean house. Uggh. Working all week and having my housemate totally useless as far as cleaning. House is mess.
 And, really getting urge to do my sewing to make a useable bag for my frame.
 And… sleep.
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concert, blahness and riding

Sunday was the best birthday present ever. the show was amazing. Something I will remember the rest of my life. 

the tour however leaves much to be desired. no one is really attacking. no action since froome himself did two “attacks”, the downhill one and the one with Sagan. boooooring

my riding however has been increasing, and I even suspect I will do a road ride soon. JUst waiting on the pumping of the tires. maybe even tonight. 


yeah summer threw open the door and stormed on in. Makes riding miserable. Mr mr has still not been to the rooftop. I am getting close to going to the garage and leave him a note. Next week is last one then contact. I need to sit with him just once. I need to confirm he is what he is, so my heart can forget him.

and tomorrow is the concert and I will be joyful. ecstatic. 

calm and colds

everything here with him is smooth so far. i counter his badgering and criticism with silence and a stare. and i go away. we will see what the future holds for us.

riding has been going well. except this cold is hanging on and i can’t taste, i can’t hear. trying to figure out what to do, outside a trip to the urgent care. i may try the online doctor and get a antibiotic script to clear the infection in my sinuses and middle ear. it really sucks.

saw mr mr in his yard last week maybe? nah week before. i wonder if i will ever sit with him again. probably not. but he makes for a good target. 

i am still working and screwing up once in a while. gotta stop that.

ya know life is like a flowering plant. the beauty is here for a while, then dies. lauren had to put scrappy down two weeks ago. i see pictures of him and i miss his furry little face. he was a good dog, even if he was obsessed and stinky.

i really want to be on my own in business again. i hate working for someone else. i mark my time every day doing my tasks, but nothing to challenge me. i want that bike related business! i will have it soon. at least the start of it.

wanting to get away

i want to head north to discover. see if there are baby trails for me to ride. to ride something different. but not this weekend. too hot and will rain. next weekend is the concert weekend, so maybe the following? NH? or try for the kingdom? or save my money?
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good visit

I took mom to see dad yesterday. good visit, he was awake and talkative, and we walked around a bit and outside. That was nice. I don’t think he gets to go outside at all now. sucks because he was always outside before.

The house there is all cleaned out, and ready to get on the market. sad. so very sad. I wish that there was some way to change things, but time goes on.

I need to refocus on things here now. Mike is staying, so I have to look at what I want in the future. what I want to do. when my finances settle, I have to either fix things here, or start clearing things out and decide if I want to deal him a final blow. his leaving in april shook me, and hurt me and I don’t forget. I never forget the hurts. 

some things you just can’t predict

i was going to contact Kevin about what he was up to and if he had work for me. i started to write the email, then when remembering his birthday is sunday, i wanted to verify it. went to facebook, and no bday notice and no posts since May 15 and last one was weird. then i did a search on his full name. second in the list was a link to MN man arrested for soliciting child sex. in georgia. nah it couldn’t be. went to article and there was his mugshot. may 16. i still cannot believe this. the guy that i made a dozen websites for, a bunch of company logos for. set up domains and websites and ecommerce and joomla. my lord. I dont think i will email him for work.
 got my subaru tuesday. i like it.
 i really need to ride! been sick again since last friday. sucks. i will probably ride tonight.
 still floored.
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