so what’s that you say?

yeah, write more on the personal blog. ok so I will…
I am hoping to get out riding after work this week. Maybe even tonight. Last weekend it was too friggin cold and i was suffering from a nasty cold, still am, and it looks like this weekend may be the same. might even snow. uggh. 

pulled out my easel the other day. i will pull out my paints too. i need to create something. anything. writing, painting drawing or making bread. that is an idea for the weekend!  We see.

my update on mr mr is that i have not been able to track him down. no car in the garage on his work nights. it was parked at his house with a for sale sign i think two weeks ago? i think he lost his job at the woods. tough for a guy with no skills per se, at his age to lose a job. might get a bit more aggressive in finding out what happened. maybe even a visit to the woods on a weekend night? ummmm yeah.

why am I still obsessed with him? unobtanium? maybe.

finally a ride

and it was a nice ride. Pachaug of course. Had on my new pedals and rode with my timberlands on. I liked!

i was able to move my foot position on the pedal to help with the twisted knee that is taking it’s sweet time to heal. The snow was soft and the noise when riding over the virgin stuff was like a smush. It was 40 on the road so drop a few degrees for in the forest. but the snow was not melting so who knows. I was warm with the layers i had on. the EMS techwick base, BAP waffle topper, the nice gore bib shorts that zip up, and my EMS hi-vis wind jacket. Jeans 👖 on the bottom which was the only negative. got a bit sore in the crotch. i will wear my tights next weekend. I used the new craft gloves and at first they had my top end fingers kinda cold. i wore them over the thumbhole covering and put my riding gloves on over, so really the only part that was not double layer were the fingers. but it wasn’t bad and they warmed up. A pretty decent ride to the pond. i needed it bad. I will try to do the double next weekend. and change my seat back to one with the center cutout.

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when the winter isn’t a winter

except that the political arena is turning into a nuclear winter. The fascist is doing all he said he would do, very quickly. putting in place people who are not qualified for their jobs. I remotely suspect in order to fire them. already fired the attorney general he asked to stay on from Obama. my lord where would I start? probably the most sensitive for me would be selling our public lands. and promoting drilling on other public lands. he seems hell bent on keeping oil alive. There is so much more profit in solar, and wind. non-depleting sources. but he wants to reward people. for what who knows. I feel we are in the beginning of a long march back to neanderthal times in the US> the minority bible thumper will get their way with things. It will be hard to come back. but I will start to mobilize. and arm.

yeah fun times

i had to call 911 that Wednesday to get him to hospital. pneumonia. brought him home Saturday, in snowstorm. didn’t make it up hill so had to spend an hour digging out on Sunday. he was still out of it for a few days. this week he is better. i really want to be rid of him.
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birthday boy

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filter fantasy

lounging around and glad it is Friday.
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the crap season

Lauren had a little of her drama. Not as much as most years. but still. Spent Christmas day taking mom to see dad. he was kinda out of it. Still, I had to spend the entire day. This past weekend was another long one, and I was again forced to spend an entire day taking care of mom. I took Lauren and Violet with me to make it more fun. But fuckin whole day to take care of her crap. 2 hours plus driving, two hours there at minimum to make it worth the drive. and still she complains. fuck me and my life.

Mike is an asshole. He started getting weak about three days ago. hard to get up off of couch. Of course, did he make the couch taller for his butt? no, that would be doing something in my house. Has he finished fixing up the bedroom so that we could move in a bed? ha! no fucking way. He would rather sit and play on his phone all day long promoting the hatred he subscribes to. Monday night he was sorta bad shape. Yesterday I could not reach him all day. I come home to his shit filled bareass kneeling on all four on the floor. maybe 2 feet from the phone to call someone, but would he do that? nooooooo too much effort. I had to clean him up, get him off the floor, get fluids into him because that shit wasn’t his only one of the day, clean up the shit everywhere in the house, get him back to reality, and then into agreeing to go to hospital. He would not. He slept in my bed with me, got up twice to go to bathroom, pee I guess, and pissed the bed too, fever was really high. 4am. I called out of work at 5:30 after I finally got him into bathroom to pee and then on to couch again. That took over an hour. he may have been delirious, or just being stubborn like dad was. Just like caring for him. fuck fuck fuck. He was stronger this morning, now he is back to being weak. He will not go to hospital, but I cannot keep picking him up like this. washing his shit clothes and blankets and towels now. Have to feed him again soon and get liquids into him. And he will probably short me again this month. fuckin bastard.

stall thoughts

im sitting in a stall and thinking. Billy wont be coming to Christmas Eve dinner, “going another route” Fine. be like that. After travelling north every year almost, i want it to be here. so it will be. i want it to be at my house though. not at lauren’s. she is in her usual holiday bitch mode. so much drama and sickness. every fucking year. i dont choose to participate in it anymore.
 i will only make a few kapusta pierogis this year. the rest will be from the pierogi queen in enfield. very delicious, better than mine. just need to buy fish, make a stuffing, some potatoes, broccoli, appetizers and some dinner mints and a few other things. im done.
 yeah christmas day i take mom to see dad. bring her a few pieeogis too. that will be enough. i want to ride. i need to ride.
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time to get busy

the past month or so has been a blur. work is cool, we moved out to the trailers, and it is a pain, but we get to officially park in the summer garage, no more employee shuttle or that long walk. takes 10 minutes off the commute home.

Dad was in hospital all last week. He had a fall, then had his big belly looked at cuz he said he hurt. eventually found diverticulitis, and gallstones. He is back at green springs. I should call today to find out how he is doing. Thanksgiving was weird, had it at lauren’s and just not the same. I did all the work so she did not “stress” the little fragile drunk. I won’t do it again there. My place no no place. Christmas will be a pain too. mike headed to jersey, and lauren probably even more I don’t want to do anything cuz Im pregnant and stressed. I don’t even know if we will have xmas eve dinner now. I will have to go take mom to see dad, and then do something for her dinner. I have the day after off, and I think I will ride and sleep. Taking the day before the weekend too. I just want to rest as well. 

I’ve been riding every weekend, I need to for my sanity. I really want to do some sort of biking tour this year.Build the old crescent up and see if it is rideable. I know what I need for equipment on it, so just have to do it. Right after holidays.

Mike is shorting me every month. starting to get old, and I need the money! asshole. If it wasn’t for his crappy internet, I would ask him to leave. As soon as I have my car paid off, I will do that. I am ahead on paying it. Feels good to be ahead on it.

physically, that fall I took has really started to show me there are things that i just cannot do any longer. That is OK.

And I have not seen him.

praying for us

the nasty person is going to be our president. his election has already released his nasty followers to unleash their hatred upon those who are different than the white uneducated pigs. it has been all over. and it has gotten me to the point that I am saying fuckit to the peace and love thing. i must fight these ignorant fucks. in every place, whether in public or silently. Starting with joining a campaign for the senator we have now who is going to be targeted by nra. start by seeking out disruption forces, and joining them. start by not being afraid to show my affiliations. fuck them the rotten core of our country.