Archive for Uncategorized

A smile is on the way

If i had been smart I would have done this when I had state insurance. But nooooooo. Miss procrastination had to put it off. Now with very little help from my foxwoods insurance, i have started the process to get me some teeth. So I can smile. So I can eat. So I can get a real job. I will need to somehow come up with 1200 on the day I schedule the extractions, and probably have to use up whatever remaining vacation and sick time I have for the initial recovery, but I will have temporary teeth right away, and then in 6 months when mouth and bones are healed, i come up with another 1200 and get the perms. So that means working for foxwoods for another 6 months. That is the really down side of all of this. I want OUT of there.

More snow on the way. Which sucks for getting into work. My car is not good in snow, and I cannot afford to use my time for snow days. I guess mike will just have to take me into work and home. Oh well.

Ran out of oil overnight. Jed is sleeping downstairs, i hope he is warm enough. I imagine if it is too cold he will come upstairs and ask what the hell is going on. Delivery on its way sometime today. I have to do paperwork for dad today so he does not get kicked out of home. Another ping on MY time. Then explain to mom that i screwed up. But what she thinks is not any concern to me anymore. I have done what i can and more. Enough. Let her take care of it if she does not like how i do it. Or chris or billy. Fuck it. I am going to lose the family, and that is ok by me. Ive done more than my part. Enough already.

Back to sleep now for a half hour, then take jed to work.

S’no depression

I have taken the past two nights off from work due to a snow storm. I would not have made it home after monday (sun night) and would have had to probably stay in my car. Last night it was just too snowy and icy to drive. And what did i di yesterday all day? Sleep. And all day sunday. Is it depression? I have had a lingering cold and it is kicking my butt. But i have had no motivation to do anything here. Nothing at all. And i really do not want to go to work. I want a normal job. And i do not want to even have a job, I want my business back! I want to determine when I work and when I dont work. I want no one on my back to perform in a way they feel is right. I want my freedom back.
Ain’t going to happen anytime soon.
My ankle where i hurt it in the thanksgiving day collapse in 2012 is killing me every day. I smacked it with a chair leg at work and it really ramped up. My thigh has started to bother me again. My back and sciatic is gonzo.
I read in a bicycle mag an article about a company that makes panniers. It starts with interviewing a guy fron Berlin bike, an old friend from bbike days, Bruce. I wonder if he needs a bike mechanic. Would need refresher on things, and it is far away, but I wonder what he pays? I know he would hire me in a second. Hmmmmm

pachaug september

There were not many people in Pachaug today. Mainly mosquitoes and dragonflies. I took doggie up there, mainly to sit. She does not walk well on leash, probably her husky genes. or lack of training. I went also to look back on the past 5 years. Jed is released this Friday. I spent a lot of time in Pachaug the first year or so, crying, riding crying some more. I am going to be overcome with joyful tears Friday. I will go see him off, he is headed to his aunts house to live for a while, she is in Milford, close to trains and his potential jobs. He does not want to come back here, too many people he could have trouble with, too many temptations I think. I know I will cry Friday, I get teary just thinking about it. But we move on. I am an old lady now. I creak and moan. I have had more heartbreak in the past 5 years than I deserve. But I go on. 

I am really contemplating leaving the job. I hate working at night. really hate having to work on weekends. Really hate too many things about it. Not a job that I have any passion for at all. It is just the money and the benefits. Yeah, I am a benefit whore. I need them now. I have to get to the dentist soon, and get the work done I need, new teeth. Then I can leave. So the sooner I do that, the better. Sigh

Off to bed, I have to go to work tonight, I hate it.

meh, work aint so bad

Yeah the walking, the dracula colored skin, the day break every day. aint so bad. I have a job, they respect the employee, they celebrate the employee. and the pay, while not exactly great, is more than I have made making websites for people. So I will try to remember that when I have trouble staying awake driving home. When I have trouble falling asleep because of the street noise.

one more sleep and one more work, then i have time off, again. I need to get all this web stuff done so I can truly rest on my days off.And do some of the things I want to do. Like ride my bike again. Like fishing. painting. doing photos more. Website design BE GONE!!!

Trying again

In the morning i try again to get past the gatekeeper. Licensing. This time i am armed with the proper papers. I may get a badge tomorrow. I may start working within the next week. It's been an exercise in getting things straightened out. I've done what i needed to do. Now i move into a new phase of my life.

passages

the lilacs don’t last long. time has now passed to irises and rhododendrons and mountain laurels. soon the tiger lilies that adorn everyone up in the Granby area mailboxes posts. I like tiger lilies.

a week has passed, and no work in yet. I spent the time figuring out the problems on the WDG backend. Finally got it done. I may have a cheapie little site to get done this weekend, some pay a little on my bills site cash.

and it got hot. July summer hot and humid. oh joy. I’ll do a ride tomorrow, and visit dad, and spend only the day in Granby, come back tomorrow night. Jed visit on Saturday. Niantic natural food store for my staples.

I must paint

cheek to cheek

IMG 1963

Being in a good place

I bet that there are a ton of people already out riding their bikes on the trail. I'm not. I will tomorrow. I promise.

I remembered some of what i wanted to write from the other day. Seems that the same drive produced the same thoughts. And this time i did a voice recording. So one of these days ill put the brief thoughts into prose.

After visit to Jed, Ill head to house, get a bike, and clothes, and then come back here to granby. I guess i should also grab fishing stuff, and go buy a license. Might as well do some fishing this year.

Next on the work agenda is to get the new WDG website running. I launched my new site, just have to work on some blog posts for it. The wdg site has to be slick. Really slick, and modern, and custom. Just have to come up with a feel for it now. I have some ideas.

Off to the day

Wishing i could drink caffeine

I need to get some energy going today. Wish i could have real coffee. Make drinking that morning habit worthwhile today. I have dinner to make and house to clean, and more sleep to get. I do admit, not having a dog help you wake up at the crack of dawn is nice. You can wake, decide that you are still tired, rollover and without a cold nose poking your face, go back to sleep.

I am hoping that today is warm, no rain as forecast. Maybe when mike and wil get here, we can do a walk after dinner. Would be nice.

And now work begins

20130331-082745.jpg

wondering

at times I sit and wonder what is going on inside dad’s mind. what do these drugs do to him? are they a form of prolonging his life unnaturally, that go against his DNR? If he was not in the nursing home, he would be home, and would most likely be forgetting to take his medications and thus be on death’s doorstep like he was a year ago. Did we do the right thing by intervening and taking him to the hospital? His life the past year has been hell. doctors and nurses and strange places. I could not even tell if he was ok when he came home for the summer. Was he hiding the dementia? he certainly accelerated the disease since he has been in the various hospitals. the belligerence and stuff like that. I don’t know, I just do not know. I kinda wish that he had just died right away, instead of this long goodbye. This long painful ride to the end. I just wish it would be over soon.