Archive for just thinking – Page 2

so what’s that you say?

yeah, write more on the personal blog. ok so I will…
I am hoping to get out riding after work this week. Maybe even tonight. Last weekend it was too friggin cold and i was suffering from a nasty cold, still am, and it looks like this weekend may be the same. might even snow. uggh. 

pulled out my easel the other day. i will pull out my paints too. i need to create something. anything. writing, painting drawing or making bread. that is an idea for the weekend!  We see.

my update on mr mr is that i have not been able to track him down. no car in the garage on his work nights. it was parked at his house with a for sale sign i think two weeks ago? i think he lost his job at the woods. tough for a guy with no skills per se, at his age to lose a job. might get a bit more aggressive in finding out what happened. maybe even a visit to the woods on a weekend night? ummmm yeah.

why am I still obsessed with him? unobtanium? maybe.

finally a ride

and it was a nice ride. Pachaug of course. Had on my new pedals and rode with my timberlands on. I liked!

i was able to move my foot position on the pedal to help with the twisted knee that is taking it’s sweet time to heal. The snow was soft and the noise when riding over the virgin stuff was like a smush. It was 40 on the road so drop a few degrees for in the forest. but the snow was not melting so who knows. I was warm with the layers i had on. the EMS techwick base, BAP waffle topper, the nice gore bib shorts that zip up, and my EMS hi-vis wind jacket. Jeans 👖 on the bottom which was the only negative. got a bit sore in the crotch. i will wear my tights next weekend. I used the new craft gloves and at first they had my top end fingers kinda cold. i wore them over the thumbhole covering and put my riding gloves on over, so really the only part that was not double layer were the fingers. but it wasn’t bad and they warmed up. A pretty decent ride to the pond. i needed it bad. I will try to do the double next weekend. and change my seat back to one with the center cutout.

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yeah fun times

i had to call 911 that Wednesday to get him to hospital. pneumonia. brought him home Saturday, in snowstorm. didn’t make it up hill so had to spend an hour digging out on Sunday. he was still out of it for a few days. this week he is better. i really want to be rid of him.
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birthday boy

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filter fantasy

lounging around and glad it is Friday.
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stall thoughts

im sitting in a stall and thinking. Billy wont be coming to Christmas Eve dinner, “going another route” Fine. be like that. After travelling north every year almost, i want it to be here. so it will be. i want it to be at my house though. not at lauren’s. she is in her usual holiday bitch mode. so much drama and sickness. every fucking year. i dont choose to participate in it anymore.
 i will only make a few kapusta pierogis this year. the rest will be from the pierogi queen in enfield. very delicious, better than mine. just need to buy fish, make a stuffing, some potatoes, broccoli, appetizers and some dinner mints and a few other things. im done.
 yeah christmas day i take mom to see dad. bring her a few pieeogis too. that will be enough. i want to ride. i need to ride.
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time to get busy

the past month or so has been a blur. work is cool, we moved out to the trailers, and it is a pain, but we get to officially park in the summer garage, no more employee shuttle or that long walk. takes 10 minutes off the commute home.

Dad was in hospital all last week. He had a fall, then had his big belly looked at cuz he said he hurt. eventually found diverticulitis, and gallstones. He is back at green springs. I should call today to find out how he is doing. Thanksgiving was weird, had it at lauren’s and just not the same. I did all the work so she did not “stress” the little fragile drunk. I won’t do it again there. My place no no place. Christmas will be a pain too. mike headed to jersey, and lauren probably even more I don’t want to do anything cuz Im pregnant and stressed. I don’t even know if we will have xmas eve dinner now. I will have to go take mom to see dad, and then do something for her dinner. I have the day after off, and I think I will ride and sleep. Taking the day before the weekend too. I just want to rest as well. 

I’ve been riding every weekend, I need to for my sanity. I really want to do some sort of biking tour this year.Build the old crescent up and see if it is rideable. I know what I need for equipment on it, so just have to do it. Right after holidays.

Mike is shorting me every month. starting to get old, and I need the money! asshole. If it wasn’t for his crappy internet, I would ask him to leave. As soon as I have my car paid off, I will do that. I am ahead on paying it. Feels good to be ahead on it.

physically, that fall I took has really started to show me there are things that i just cannot do any longer. That is OK.

And I have not seen him.

praying for us

the nasty person is going to be our president. his election has already released his nasty followers to unleash their hatred upon those who are different than the white uneducated pigs. it has been all over. and it has gotten me to the point that I am saying fuckit to the peace and love thing. i must fight these ignorant fucks. in every place, whether in public or silently. Starting with joining a campaign for the senator we have now who is going to be targeted by nra. start by seeking out disruption forces, and joining them. start by not being afraid to show my affiliations. fuck them the rotten core of our country. 

not much to say

past month was a blur. rode, crashed and sliced my ankle. also more severely hurt my shoulder. my elbow on the same arm has not improved, I think it will only get better with a different setup on the bike.

Not seen mr mr. Not made a real effort either. but that is ok. I will see him this month somehow. jerk face has been that. but handy to have around to fix car when it is broke. so next one occupying the position had better be a decent wrench. 

my little granddaughter is growing and getting more people-y. Talking to the point where I can understand her better. adventurous and funny, and a happy kid. Lauren is still having bouts with her drinking, she will always be that way, I have to accept that. I hate it for her child. She may be pregnant again. that will keep her from drinking for 9 more months, and for a while after so she can nurse. but I always fear for the call. 

I want to go away. supposed to go to Maine this weekend, with my limited funds. the car breaking the other day kinda put that on the back burner. so it is still something I want to do this year. see the ocean at dawn. or see the mountains at dawn. not the stupid street lights. we will get there

with whom though? 

The autumn is coming

My daughter’s 37th birthday is today. That is always the first sign of autumn. I had to wear longsleeves on my ride the past two nights. Just a week ago it was blazing hot!
 Sometimes my rides are just beautiful. Last night as I was nearing the end of my ride, the air was the smell of a meadow at sunset, when the first evening dew is settling in, and a cool breeze slides over your legs as they pedal home. It was delightful. My rides have been wonderful this year. I am so much my cycling. It is my soul
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