Kindness from strangers

When i got home Wednesday, there was a box of flowers from bouqs.com at the front door. I had mentioned to my StitchFix stylist that i liked all the pieces sent, but because i had not yet figured out a budget with out my recently passed spouses income, i could not afford two of the pieces of clothes. The flowers were from stitch fix. I was so amazed that they cared enough to send. I think they have a customer for life now.

A poem I read I think on an obit page

Death is a heartache
No one can heal
But love leaves a memory
No one can steal

Condolences from people are supposedly to help you feel better about the loss. They don’t help. Nothing can help. They say you will see your loved one again in heaven. Will I see him again? No. And I am not about to test the theory out either anytime soon. No one really knows either.

This totally sucks. Thanks to him, my life is emptier than it was before, lonelier than it was. Empty. I hate this feeling. I hate thinking about him constantly. I hate feeling abandoned. Just like when he left three years ago. But this time I can’t cry to him to come back. Well, I can but not in reality. All of this feels so surreal. Like a dream. Like a bad movie. This so totally sucks.