Going to end

When I roll over in the morning, and look out at the trees in the yard, searching for some sign of life, it usually is in the color of sunlight splash gold on the leaves. This morning that gold that I see on the leaves is not sun. It is the end showing up. In a month they will be gone gone. 

I do enjoy looking at them still. And i can see them every morning when i wake. Instead of looking out to darkness when i roll over after a shitty sleep. I don’t miss that at all. Nah, i do miss some parts of it. I miss being on the floor of the casino, talking with people. As shy as i am, the interaction with the guests brought me out. And the job restored some self confidence. This job at times is a confidence boost, when i code something and it works. Makes me feel less of a fraud. Just wish I could design something too. 

Last baseball game of the year. Met up with John as i did alot of games. Nice to hang with someone I can talk to. But even after all these years. No spark. Sigh. Unobtanium was in parking lot at Sun Thursday night, so i left a note to call me. I doubt that he will. I will try to go see him monday morning after he gets out of work. I really just want to get some weed. He is too strange for even me. Although i think going to a baseball game with him would be cool. But he may be a distant memory by next year. 

I try and try to get up early to get on the road for a ride. My body is just not responsive to doing that. I would rather sit and write in my journal. These days i kick myself for not pursuing some sort of education after high school. I wasted it. 

But now… Time to have fun again.