wondering

at times I sit and wonder what is going on inside dad’s mind. what do these drugs do to him? are they a form of prolonging his life unnaturally, that go against his DNR? If he was not in the nursing home, he would be home, and would most likely be forgetting to take his medications and thus be on death’s doorstep like he was a year ago. Did we do the right thing by intervening and taking him to the hospital? His life the past year has been hell. doctors and nurses and strange places. I could not even tell if he was ok when he came home for the summer. Was he hiding the dementia? he certainly accelerated the disease since he has been in the various hospitals. the belligerence and stuff like that. I don’t know, I just do not know. I kinda wish that he had just died right away, instead of this long goodbye. This long painful ride to the end. I just wish it would be over soon.