break of dawn breaking me

Took no pics on Easter. I was sad. kinda. Dad was looking real crappy, he had still not shaved, since I was there on Friday. He was up though, that was a plus. He eats like a bird, just wants his sweet tasting stuff. He’s on his way out of here. He’s lost a lot of weight, and seems totally out of touch with things. He does not want to go get his new glasses. Probably figures why spend the money.
The dawn is rolling over the sky right now, I look out this window, and wonder why I feel nothing about his obvious end of life coming. I know it is going to be a pain in the ass. But it will be less than it is now. maybe. I have no feelings, cuz I have no warm fuzzies over him, or mom for that matter. I am the one stuck taking care of them. The oldest. The one they beat into submission with the barber strap, or the wooden spoon. Never had a big from them, or a “i love you” uttered from their mouth. And they wonder why I stayed away for so long. I wish I could give this job to someone. Getting tired of them and taking care of them. But they have no one else, they won’t get care, they won’t move to senior housing, and tone honest, he needs to be in a home to take care of him. I sure can’t. The next few months are going to be interesting. No, wrong word. Excruciating is more like it.
Well, I always have my dog to comfort me. and to wake me up before dawn to go out and pee. Which is why I am up now writing. pain in the ass

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