It seems my life is just dribblin along. I want to share things with him. I want to bitch at him. When is it going to feel better?

Its been quiet. I listened to mikes voice this morning. Now i am so sad. I miss him so damned much. His pain in the assness would be welcomed. Just to hear his voice every day. I will never recover.

I cannot shake the sadness. Maybe i do need a therapist. I have been dwelling on his presence that is no longer here. His voice. His nagging. I miss it all. Im not crying over it but the thought of him and what we are not doing together is always in my head. What can I do?

It is packed with people here. BJaxkson time. Nice to have a busy concourse.

The drunk called monday and is at the point now that she is really craving a drink. No more “i an never going to do that again”. And it is everyone else’s fault she is there. Oh and no one cares for her since no one has written her. Wah wah wah. She is back to her old self. And i will not welcome her back to my house. Nope. Not going to live in terror. She will call tonight. I might not be around to take the call. Might see if i can ride. It has been sooooo long!

Plan on doing clearing this weekend and cleaning!!! Man my house is a mess. Im slackin. I got a few more tasks at work, good to keep me busy.

And the beat goes on.

Staring into the fire. Violet has crashed out and is finally quiet. Man she has been nothing but question after question. But she is so precious. She sings and dances and is decently behaved.

I think that i will see about doing a family camp on labor day weekend. Put up the big tent for lloyd and the kids and who knows. Maybe lauren. And Jed and maybe even their father. Might be nice. I will see.

Im getting kinda sleepy now too. I love campinf

Going camping. That is my new happy place. It is the solstice and i will be under the stars. So nice.

Yup. Still missing him bad. No one to do anything with and doing everything alone gets boring. I would like some company. And i have no interest in dating. Too old to start over with someone and their habits. Too old to change mine. So, sameness will continue.

Supposed to go to concert tonight, alone. Not feeling it but i will go anyway and see jow itnis, if bored i will just leave. It’s not like it is paul mcCartney.

The drunk hasn’t called since saturday. I dont care.

I guess it is time to finish lunch. Ugggh

Everyday there is something i want to tell him, to show him. What the dog did, work stuff. Or share with him the sunset. I miss him so damn much.

Chris will be back in CT tomorrow. Probably for a while. Her dream of the wild west has died. Partly because of her stubbornness of not moving on technically. And partly because the company grew bigger than her education.

And i hope to actually get a ride in. Someday.

Saw first fireflys last week. Monarch butterfly just a moment ago. It is summer.

The jazz fest was very good. A nice way to spend a saturday afternoon. I will need to dig up more things like that to do on weekends. Cant be all camping! But man i spent like 60 bucks on food and drinks and swag and cds. All for a good cause. The arts.

Im gonna finish up my lawn mowing then saddle up for a ride in pachaug. See if the demon deer flies are attacking. It is breezy so maybe not. If they are i guess i move my rides over to airline. The boring trail. Or maybe seek out some nearby singletrack for after work and keep weekends ride free, ready for hiking and exploring new things.

I hate mowing the lawn.